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A Chorus Line
The longest Pat Benatar video ever made
1985
Director: Richard Attenborough
Starring: Michael Douglas, Alyson Reed
Yes, in order to fully comprehend the awesome ridiculousness on display.
THE SETUP:
An adaptation of the famous 70s musical.
DISCUSSION:
This movie is a HOOT AND A HALF. Aside from the over-emoting and hideous songs, the main thing wrong, wrong, so very wrong with this movie is that they took the musical, which is so much a product of the 70s, and placed it into the context, bad outfits, bad hair, BAAAAD synth and drum machine music, and bad dancing of the 80s, resulting in the longest Pat Benatar video ever made. If you like the pure ridiculousness of 80s music videos, this movie is like a two hour compilation of their worst moments.
The movie concerns a bunch of dancers auditioning to be bit-part nobodies in a Broadway show. Apparently the naked ambition and heartbreak just to get some shitty chorus part was supposed to lend some pathos to the musical, but it just doesn’t come off here. Many of the songs are chopped up into little bits that robs them of whatever effect they might once have had. And then there’s the ridiculous expository conceit that the director wants the dancers to bare their souls so he can get to know who they really are before he hires them, leading to the bulk of the movie’s material. Hmmm, I didn’t know that Broadway directors had that much time to throw away, especially on players who will barely be noticed by the audience.
Then there’s the matter of Cassie. She’s a former flame of the director [Michael Douglas in his 80s “hard hitting” mode] who apparently used to be an astonishing dancer, but is now [possibly due to their torrid affair] out of work and dammit, just wants a CHANCE! Because dancing’s in her blood, see. So Cassie shows up late to the audition, Douglas tells her to get lost, tries again, Douglas tells her to get lost, comes out on stage again, Douglas tells her to get lost… this happens like fifty times, until you, the viewer, are like “GET THE FUCK OUT, CASSIE! WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING PSYCHOTIC?!?!” Unfortunately, Cassie DOES come off as somewhat psychotic, when I think she’s supposed to appear just so dedicated to her CRAFT. She is also the one singular most annoying character in the entire picture, conveying a desperate need for attention that a) creates a very convincing character, that b) is the kind of person you want to chuck a brick at. Later she [hope I’m not spoiling anything here] DOES get to dance, and is clearly the worst dancer in the entire film, though poor Michael Douglas has to pretend to be transported by the sheer grace of her artistry.
ALL of the dancing is so gloriously over-the-top 80s in such an appealing way, with all the sharp head movements and overdramatic gestures. I never saw the original musical, but several people on IMDb say that the songs were butchered, especially the much-beloved “What I Did For Love.” The orchestrations have been “updated” into THE most hideous 80s arrangements with these nightmarish drum machine rhythms that will provide much derisive laughter. Also, a lot of the hot-button 70s issues like homosexuality or abortion or plastic surgery just don’t have any impact anymore, and I doubt they did in the 80s. I can’t even remember all the hootworthy elements of this film, there were so many.
And then the show-stopping finale, “One,” and you’re like; “THIS is the big number? THIS is what these poor people are suffering so much to get into? THIS is the climax of this movie?”
SHOULD YOU WATCH IT?
Yes! If you like bad musicals, or like to laugh at 80s music videos, this movie exists just for you.
