Thumbsucker

Excruciating

2005

Review: October 16, 2005

Director: Mike Mills

Starring: Lou Taylor Pucci, Tilda Swinton, Vincent D'Onofrio, Vince Vaughn, Keanu Reeves, Etc.

It's bad enough as it is, don't make it even slower.

THE SETUP:

Familiar retread of every quirky indie coming-of-age movie ever made.

DISCUSSION:

Everyone knows the cliché about how ever trailer contains the line "In a world." But you know how a lot of trailers for romantic comedies of family comedies or animal comedies or anything otherwise heartwarming usually includes some kind of seemingly paradoxical statement that is supposed to impart simple folk wisdom? Like "Sometimes it's the people we hate the most who bring us the love we need," or "Sometimes it's the mistakes we make that show us how right we are," or "Sometimes it's the wildebeests that tear us apart that actually bring is together."

Well, if you find those statements to be full of insightful wisdom, have I got a movie for you.

This movie is not that bad. The writing is. fine. The acting is decent. It's just. WHY DOES IT EXIST? If Igby Goes Down exists, why does this film need to exist? If Garden State exists, why does this film need to exist? If The Royal Tenenbaums [or Rushmore] exists, why does this film need to exist? Etc.

I can see why someone would want to make it, but why does anyone need to SEE it?

It's my own fault. I should have known. Here I am preaching about how you shouldn't go to movies at the theater, especially these "acclaimed indie of the day" movies, and here I am. I guess I can blame my friend, because he wanted to see it, but I didn't protest. I also blame the many positive reviews I saw for this, but again I am forced to keep in mind that critics basically tell you that a movie is well made, but never tell you that there's really no reason to see it.

So this dumb kind still sucks his thumb at the age of 17. He has this really annoying haircut. His mother obviously sexualizes him in a disturbing way that is in no small measure responsible for his being unable to let go of this surrogate breast. His father is a doofus [but a CUTE doofus]. Blah, blah, blah, sexual experimentation, diagnosed with ADD, domestic drama, canned redemption and grace, etc. No one ever really tells the kid to just shape the fuck up, and the movie is squarely on his side about how he's just a sensitive soul in a cruel, mindless world. The childlike music of the Polyphonic Spree, all over this movie, echoes the childlike vision the movie celebrates, and IF YOU'RE A CHILD, GO FOR IT. If, however, you think it's not that bad a thing to mature and be an adult, and know that that doesn't necessarily mean you are doomed to a sealed-off, mindless existence like the folks in this movie, you may find it irrelevant.

I didn't mind it for the first hour. I started checking my watch during the beginning of the second hour. The last half-hour was EXCRUCIATING. Especially because this is where we start getting the "wow I guess I never looked at things that way" scenes, and the "I guess my dad isn't such an asshole after all" scenes, and the "woah, there truly are wholly unexpected moments of grace in simple everyday lives" scenes. And it JUST GOES ON FOREVER. If it had ended after 90 minutes, I would have walked out liking it fairly well [and I assure you, NOTHING would have been lost]. I am beginning to be more and more convinced that almost NO movies need to be longer than 90 minutes, and this movie shot directly into the top 10 pieces of evidence for that theory.

And is what the world needs now arted-up versions of ABC Afterschool Specials?

Ugh. The last shot is one of such unabashed and repulsive sentimentality that I could only stare at it. I felt a kind of mixture of "I cannot believe he's going to end the movie with THIS" and "THANK YOU JESUS for making this movie finally end."

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for making this movie finally end.

SHOULD YOU WATCH IT?

It depends on how many quirky indie coming-of-age movies you've seen. If you've seen more than 0.5, I would say no.