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Best of Video 2009
January 2009
As usual, this list is not about videos released in 2009, but reflect the best movies, of any year, that I watched during 2009.
Don’t Open ‘Til Christmas
This slasher wildly succeeds into two ways: One, it cannily circumvents and twists the traditional conventions of slasher film, and two, it is dementedly off the wall and frequently hilarious. Someone in London kills only men dressed as Santa Claus. Inappropriately belittling sexist cops are on the case. The first victim’s daughter is in a relationship with a guy who arranges impromptu porn shoots for her. And then there are the crazy, twisted, unexpected killings. And just when you think it can’t get any better—SUDDEN DISCO! And not just any sudden disco, but sudden disco sung by Caroline Munro, who performs her bewitching “ass dance.” I haven’t enjoyed any movie this much in quite some time.
The Creeper
So a bunch of doctors go on a buddy-bonding camping trip into the deep wilderness. It was the 70s—people did such things then. These are some eccentric and intelligent people who consider that they have their shit together, but find out otherwise when the de rigueur backwoods stalker starts after them. What makes this movie different is that their stalker is very smart and effective at hurting and unnerving them. And all this without even being able to see or understand the ending!
Laura
An unusually emotional noir, this one begins with the death of its heroine, Laura. Handsome Dana Andrews is the hard-bitten detective assigned to the case, which involves Laura’s deadbeat fiancée [played by Vincent Price] and jealous suitor. As he learns more about her, stays in her apartment, gazes at her portrait, smells her perfume and listens to her music [the famous Theme from Laura], the tough, reserved detective gradually falls in love with her. He has finally found the women for him—and she’s dead. The characters are good—Andrews’ McPherson can hold his own with the best noir detectives—the story is beautiful, and the direction by Otto Preminger smooth and subtle.
Deadtime Stories
One is usually hesitant to watch movies that are compilations of short stories, but one shouldn’t be put off from this collection, which sets itself apart with its wickedly evil sense of humor. The first is a tale of these medieval witches [delightfully realized on the film’s $2.95 budget] that will make your jaw drop with its surprising, outrageous gore and over-the-top sexuality. Then there’s a demented version of Cinderella, and finally we have a Goldilocks and the Three Bears in which the bears are escaped mental patients and Goldilocks is a psychic and psychotic killer who sits in a field surrounded by wildflowers… as she saws limbs off a corpse. I found the whole thing to really mesh with my sense of humor and was delighted throughout. I tracked the writer/director down to tell him how much I loved it and was really bummed he never wrote me back.
Double Indemnity
This, the most famous and iconic noir film of all time, took me watching it three times and reading the novel [amazing] twice before I could fully appreciate it. The film is just one of those things that has been so fully absorbed into the popular culture that one has to slow down big time and really look closely in order to see what’s so good about it. Walter Neff gets ensnared by the bewitching Phyllis Deitrichson, who convinces him to help her murder her husband. Neff did it for the money and the girl, and as he observes, he doesn’t get the money and he doesn’t get the girl.
Fox and his Friends
Rainer Werner Fassbinder plays a lead character of this bitter [i.e. BITTER] exploration of what he saw as gay life in Germany in the 70s. Fox is a hot but dumb circus worker who gets put out on his own when his lover is arrested. Fox soon wins the lottery, and finds that with his new money… come his new “friends.” He ends up with a new social circle and new lover, both of whom slowly drain him of his funds while also humiliating and insulting him for not being as cultured as they consider themselves. Yes, it’s much worse than things are [now, in America, at least], but if you’re gay and get into one of those funks where you hate all gay culture and all gay people… a pint of ice cream and this movie are going to get you through.
Hulk
Ang Lee’s take on a superhero takes off in interesting, unexpected directions—which is probably why it bewildered most when it came out. Here he seems to have really given thought to what it might be like to have incredible reserves of physical power, and devotes long sections to expressing the sheer exhilaration of leaping four miles and suchlike. It also has some psychology—comic-level as it may be—Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, fun comic panel transitions, and is gorgeous to look at. It also has an ending where the hero and villain turn into clouds that fight each other, but you can’t have everything.
The Silent Partner
Just a straightforward really good, well-written movie like used to be fairly routine in the 70s, but are now a rarity. Elliott Gould plays a mild-mannered bank teller who becomes aware of a plot to rob his bank. Instead, he robs the bank himself and blames the would-be robber, who ended up with nothing, and is none too pleased. Gould then has a pissed-off ruthless criminal after him, and begins emerging from his shell as he finds himself doing unexpected things as he tries to avoid the criminal and keep the money. Just a funny, clever little heist movie with great characters and good twists.
Kiss Me Deadly
This late entry in the noir field reflects back on the conventions of the genre, while adding some nice new touches. For one, the hero, Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer, is presented here as a real selfish bastard, who does what he does for money and nothing else. Also, when people get tortured they REALLY get tortured, there are wonderful, evocative musical passages, the whole thing is beautifully artful and carefully constructed, and the characters and interactions are terribly interesting. It may or may not be screwed up for you by the Crystal Skull ending, but in any case it is very much worth watching.
What Have You Done To Solange?
My favorite Giallo, this one has a super-heated atmosphere of sin and sexuality, gruesome but beautiful murders, relatively well-rounded characters who undergo interesting and unexpected twists, and a last-act surprise that suddenly brings everything home in a very emotional way. It also makes a surprising amount of sense and has a plot that is possible to follow, which makes it somewhat unusual among Gialli. If you like this one, you should also check out Trauma, by the same writer and same director, thematically and dramatically quite similar.
WORST MOVIES ON VIDEO 2009
King Corn
The worst documentary I have ever seen. The filmmaker’s don’t think you want any information with your documentary, and vastly overrate the charm of its two douche hosts.
Mother of Tears
I am with those who say that Dario Argento is off his rocker or at least couldn’t care less about putting out anything of reasonable quality, based on the evidence here. And poor Asia Argento has no way to escape.
Pumpkinhead 2
So you have a successful horror movie all set up to effortlessly spawn sequel after sequel. Wait, I know! Let’s chuck the established mythology, invent a new and idiotic one, and kill off the franchise all in one go! Dream achieved.
