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Cannonball Run II
Breeding tomorrow’s misogynists today
1984
Review: May 4, 2006
Director: Hal Needham
Starring: Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Marilu Henner, Shirley MacLaine, Jamie Farr, etc.
Helpful.
THE SETUP:
A bunch of wacky folk cross the country for some prize or some shit.
DISCUSSION:
I watched the first 15 minutes of this many years ago when I was like 17 or whatever, and even back then put it on my list to watch in the future. Why? Because at one point this guy pulls up in a hot car and makes a semi-sleazy offer of a ride to these two “great-lookin’ chicks,” and he just seemed so fantastically hot and sort of sleazy that I knew I must watch this movie again, assuming he would be in it. Turns out, to my disappointment, not only is he nowhere near as hot as I remembered him [but still not so bad in the horny older sleazebag department—the lizard-skin jacket helps], but he NEVER appears in the movie again, therefore negating my ostensible “reason” to watch this one over the first installment. Turns out this guy is the film’s DIRECTOR, a former stunt man named Hal Needham, who also directed the first Cannonball Run, Megaforce [which I SO want to see], Stroker Ace, and Rad. And, to my own potential embarrassment, here he is, below.
So we open with Ricardo Montalban playing on of the few Arabs with Latin accents, and he’s going to sponsor another Cannonball Run for some reason. Then we have a credit sequence which features a sort of redneck rock / disco hybrid that features the lyrics “It ain’t what you do, it’s how you do it… if you’ve got the soul…” which is a little funny coming from like Charlie Daniels or whoever sung this. We are then introduced to Burt, in his thin stache and toupee days, and Dom DeLuise. They have this sort of flying acrobatic act which I think is supposed to be funny, but they promptly quit and go off to join the Cannonball Run. You also have Charles Nelson Reilly playing one of his super-ineffectual gay [but not] whinging nellies [yep, it’s offensive], and he is always being berated or bossed around throughout the movie. He is also, we are told, "working on his chorus line." You also have Dean Martin, shown creepily romancing a woman 1/3rd his age, and his sidekick Sammy Davis, Jr. I found their scenes together to be, well, torture. There’s a ton of other people on hand, including a very young Jackie Chan and Richard Keil [Jaws from the James Bond movies], and Catherine Bach, etc.
Oh, by the way, on the Dean Martin front, please don’t pass up the throwaway joke in which he is seen talking to ANOTHER woman 1/3rd his age, saying “Let’s go up to my place,” and she responds “Father, what are you saying?”
Then you get Burt in a pink Member’s Only jacket, hit on by Marilu Henner and Shirley MacLaine as actresses who are dressed as nuns. They hook up with Burt and Dom, and decide to sit “Boy-nun, boy-nun.” Poor Marilu has to pretend to be really hot and turned on by Dom DeLuise, which is embarrassing, but the real unintentional hoots come from everyone pretending that Shirley MacLaine is NOT 50 years old. She’s tarting around with Marilu as though she’s a hot 30 year old, and everyone including the POV of the movie simply pretends not to notice, although she clearly comes across as Marilu’s sexpot mom. Again, embarrassing.
Astonishingly, there turns out to be an Asian love interest for Jackie Chan just hanging out in the middle of the American desert! Again, I had the impression that this was supposed to be funny, but the point is that in this movie, women are pliant lust objects who readily make themselves mindless eye candy for men with hot cars. Except for the real hot babes, like Catherine Bach and her cohort [credited only as “Lamborghini Babe 1 and 2”], who use their looks and sexuality to manipulate men. And although I appreciate this whole sort of sleazy mentality, it would work better if this whole thing were funny or clever in some way, and not just an adolescent boy’s fantasy. Oh dear.
Telly Savalas shows up as a genuinely charming and righteously scary thug, who intimidates Charles Nelson Reilly. He says “What, your name is Dom? I’m going to call you Dom-Dom, okay?” Then later, “Okay Dom-Dom? You know what? I’m going to call you Dum-Dum.” It’s kind of funny and genuinely threatening, but again, I’m not so comfortable with the whole “humor” of it, which is we all watch a pathetic fag get humiliated by a real man. And you know, this is “harmless fare, safe for the kids.”
So after awhile the fast-forwarding started. There is some sort of hugger-mugger regarding the prize money and someone trying to steal it or whatever, but eventually someone wins [I FF’ed clean through that part], and it ends.
So fucking wacky.
SHOULD YOU WATCH IT?
I don’t think there’s any reason to.
